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For Children Divorce is better than seeing their Parents at War.

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23 November 2015
For Children Divorce is better than seeing their Parents at War
Most people are misled to believe that divorcing does the kids more harm than staying together in a hostile relationship (Kendler 55). Many generations of parents have followed this advice and hoped that the sacrifices they made would yield better fruits for their children in the end. In fact, many parents living in the 21st century still believe that sticking to the partner, despite the ugly confrontations that might erupt right before the children, is better than divorcing (Kendler 59). This paper briefly discusses the reason this notion is wrong and tries to explain why the opposite might just be right.
Two recent studies revealed that even moderate degrees of conflict between the parents do affect the children (Kelly and Emery 352). These conflicts were discovered to be changing their sleep patterns and arousing negative attitudes in them as they go about their day to day activities (Kelly and Emery 356). According to the study, the confrontations do not have to be violent for the children to be disturbed (Kelly and Emery 357). Even when parents do not talk to each other, the children can detect the bad blood between them. That alone was found to deprive them of thirty minutes of sleep every night (Kelly and Emery 359). In one of the studies, children who grew up in families with troubled marriages were interviewed to see if they did get used to the situation with time (Kelly and Emery 362).

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The results revealed that none of them got used to the situation (Kelly and Emery 361). In fact, the more the conflicts they witnessed, the more “sensitive and tense” they became to those situations.
Children are naturally delicate and sensitive beings (Emery 11). They identify and love both their parents, and that is their right. When their family structure gets shattered, so does their sense of the world as a stable a constant and stable place. They grieve and miss the parent that does not stay with them (Emery 12). This reason is why many people believe that divorce is more devastating for children than having both parents together even if the two are not at peace with each other. On top of missing one parent, they also do lose their contact pattern with their grandparents and other extended family members (Emery 15). Add ongoing conflict between the parents to this mix and the children’s mental and emotional stability will be overwhelmed (Emery 15). A properly managed divorce is, therefore, an amicable solution in cases where marriages with children fail to work. A recent study suggests that children do better when they get to spend time with both parents after they divorce (Emery 18). The researchers in the study wanted to find out if children who stay with one parent cope better than those who stay with both the parents in turns (Emery 20). The study used data from a sample of over 150,000 children aged between 12 and 15used in the study. The aspects studied were their “psychosomatic health problems” like sleep patterns, lack of concentration and loss of appetites. The study revealed that children living with only one parent were 6% more likely to experience these problems if compared to those who spent some time with both parents (Emery 21).
In conclusion, choosing to stay in a marriage for the kids is a choice that only considers the child’s need for a physically present father and mother. It does not take the child’s emotional well-being into consideration (Kendler 83). Children are often not happy when the parents divorce in emotion but remain together in the flesh (Kendler 85). Whether the parents stay together or separate, the children will be affected if the relationship between the parents is a bitter one (Kendler 86). Therefore, parents need to weigh their options carefully while choosing to divorce or to stay together. If they cannot make peace with each other, a properly managed divorce would be better (Kendler 87). The two could just co-operate with each other in making vital parental information concerning the children and show them even if they do not stay in the same house with them (Kendler 89).
Works Cited
Kelly, Joan B., and Robert E. Emery. “Children’s adjustment following divorce: Risk and resilience perspectives.” Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 352-362.
Kendler, Howard H. “A Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage.”Annals of Theoretical Psychology: 55-89. Print.
Emery, Robert E. “Renegotiating family relationships: Divorce, child custody, and mediation.” Guilford Press, 2011.

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