Apologize To Our Children: Effects On Education

Apologize to our children: effects on education

Parents want to instill our little humility and education. To do this, among other things, we usually insist that they ask for forgiveness when they have said or done something wrong or inappropriate. But are we able to apologize to our children?

Apologize to our children: sign of weakness?

Many parents are aware that they are the model and the main reference for their children, so they try to give a firmness image. They think that in order to be an authority figure, they must be infallible and safe. They have the belief that assuming an error would make them lose credibility for their children.

On the contrary. Children observe us, imitate and internalize our behaviors for their own repertoire. However, a father who never shows the most human and vulnerable part of him can make his son feel that something is wrong with him. A father who does not show the error as a natural part of the life process, can generate in his children a fear of making mistakes and being a disappointment.

These children will feel weak and inappropriate when they are wrong in something. They will deal with all means of hiding their mistakes and being firm in lies, if necessary, in order not to assume their failure.

On the other hand, parents who show humility and humanity, will transmit to their children the message that it is normal and is acceptable to make mistakes. And that, being able to assume the error and try to correct it, is the right way.

How to apologize to our children?

There are certain keys to consider when asking for forgiveness. This must be sincere, serious and real. It is not enough to say ‘sorry’ passed or accompany it with excuses or self justifications.

To start it is important to get up to the child and look in the eye. Our forgiveness must be accompanied by an explanation about what we feel, we must express that we know and recognize what our mistake has been.

Then we have to give space to the child to expose his opinion and feelings of his, whether he decides to accept our forgiveness as if not. Sometimes children need time to assimilate and understand the situation and we should not press them to accept our apology in the first instance. We must also respect their emotions.

Finally, we must not forget that ‘I’m sorry’ are not the magical words to justify any behavior. Forgiveness must be accompanied by the firm purpose that the error is not committed again. In addition, if it is possible to repair the damage caused, you have to do it.

What does forgiveness mean?

It means first that you assume full responsibility for your behavior. As adults it is healthy to be responsible for our emotional management and not blame the circumstances or behavior of our children. Asking forgiveness does not admit, it means: I’m sorry but you made me lose the papers.

Forgiveness must be honest. It cannot become an emotional manipulation tool so that, finally, the other admits that you were right. Forgiveness may not be reciprocal, but you just have to take care that the part that corresponds to you is true.

Asking forgiveness does not mean giving the child right or changing your point view. It simply means that you regret the forms, the words used or to have damaged him, and wish to solve the situation from respect.

What does forgiveness ask for?

Parents are the highest referents of behavior for children and they learn from us. By apologizing we are transmitting to you:

What to err is human, that we all wrong and it is normal. That the action to take is to assume responsibility and learn from it. We teach them assertiveness to be able to recognize our failures and express a sincere apology.

What do you care about your person and feelings. That you realize how you have made him feel and, for you, your love for him prevails before your pride. We show empathy and the need to put themselves in the place of the other and take into account how your actions affect your emotions.

That forgiveness is a useful and necessary interpersonal tool. That by apologizing a healing connection between the two people who start repairing the damage.