Peer Revision Worksheet

Name
Instructor’s name Course
Date
Essay one
1. By reading the introduction, one gets a clear understanding that capitalism is no longer practiced in America. The reasons behind the claim have been highlighted to enable the reader to understand the essay’s point of view. The introduction can be improved by using questions, although the topic statement is used in a clear and definite way.
2. All the themes such as the reasons behind the decline of capitalist ideas in the introduction are later clearly explained in the essay. However, some arguments such as the benefits of capitalism are not highlighted in the introduction paragraph of the text even though they are in the body.
3. The thesis
The thesis statement comes at the start of the introductory paragraph, and it cannot be changed to any position as it forms the basis of the essay. It can be restated that America is currently not a pure capitalist because of the various Government regulations and laws such as Anti-trust laws, minimum wage and the working conditions guidelines that are against the Laissez-Faire economic. In the essay, the thesis captures the contents of the paper inclusively.
4. Body paragraphs
Each paragraph starts with the main idea that introduces the author’s point of view in the essay. In each paragraph, there is only one idea discussed. The claims that are stated in the thesis statement are the ones explored in each section. The preceding sentences in the paragraph explain more about the claim thus creating a connection between the paragraphs and the thesis statement.

There is a clear transition between paragraphs and sentences. Supportive sentences that are clearly explained especially in the first claim accompany each section.
5. Evidence/ Support
To begin with, Anti-Trust Laws are adequately explained. However, the subsequent claims are not adequately supported with evidence to show how capitalism was successful without government regulation on minimum wages and the labor laws. It centers most on giving a theoretical explanation of the matter. The writer seems to forget that there is a possibility of the capitalist paying workers less and at the same time employing fewer workers thus overstretching their productivity with extreme volumes of work (Null 16)
. I feel that the writers make too much of an assumption that once the companies pay less, they employ more people who work normal hours hence increasing the rate of employment.
6. The conclusion
The conclusion answers the so what question by concluding that America is no longer a capitalist nation. It can be made stronger by giving the readers something that they can be thinking about such as having the following closing remarks; America is no longer capitalist, do you think there is better reason for the stagnation of our economy than this?
7. Reflections and overall concluding questions.
The strength of the draft is the introductory paragraph that has the thesis statement. Every section refers to the thesis statement and supports the claim. It is an idea I liked most. Writing a clear thesis statement is an effective way of summarizing your thoughts before beginning to expound them. The draft uses clear, understandable language thus making it easy to read and understand.

Essay two
1. The introduction
The introductory paragraph provides a clear understanding about a debate of if the differences between men and women are biological as supported by scientist, or if they are a due to social construct as supported by Margaret Mead. To make the introductory paragraph more hooking, the writer should use teaser or some questions, hence it is not much hooking to the reader, but it is relatively a good one. The most important points raised in the body paragraphs are not adequately raised in the introductory part.
2. The thesis statement
The thesis statement is clear and stated from the start of the opening paragraph. It takes the entire paragraph, and I do not think it would have worked any better if it was moved. One can restate it as; many have debated if the differences between male and female are due to biological effects or due to a social construct. Margaret Mead argues that these differences are due to social construct upon researches on three different cultures. On the contrary, scientist argues that these differences are due to biological, a claim based on various tests carried on sex and temperament effects.
3. Body Paragraphs.
Each paragraph starts with the main idea as explained in the following sentences. They talk about an idea at a time with none containing more than one idea. Longer paragraphs are subdivided into two with each section having clear connections to the thesis statement. The first body paragraph is about the argument and evidence by scientists that the feminine and masculine differences are due to biological effects (Moore 25). The subsequent paragraphs are about the claims by Margaret Mead in the thesis and a debate between the biological view and social contrast view.
The organization of the paragraphs is that the author begins with the listing the most important points while the others are supportive points that explain more on the main idea.
4. Evidence / support
The writer has pointed out a clear proof in the claims citing that only scientists and Margaret Mead as the primary source of the arguments in the thesis statement. In the paragraphs, the writer clearly explains the claims with empirical evidence and examples by both scientists and Margaret Mead (Wyldeck 12). The explanations are well cited and quotes well applied and analyzed whenever used. The essay is a perfect one; I find no sentence that beats the logic of my understanding of the differences that exist between male and female. It is a persuasive essay that I’m tempted to believe in every argument that is raised and discussed.
5. The conclusion
Being an argumentative essay, the conclusion takes us back to the thesis statement stating what the scientists say and what Margaret puts forward. The writer doesn’t leave the reader in suspense but ends up telling us his stand in the argument, clearly stating that he believes that Margaret’s argument is right. Hence, the differences between masculine and feminine are due to social effects.
6. Reflections and overall concluding statements.
The greatest strength of the draft is to be able to clearly highlight the evidence presented by both the scientists and from Margaret and concluding by showing that, the argument by Margaret is realistic hence strong. As an argumentative essay, the writer is expected to write both sides of the argument and then conclude by taking one stand. Therefore the aims of the essay have been clearly achieved. The language used is simple and clear hence provides no difficulties to readers.

Work cited
Null, Kathleen Christopher. How to Write a Paragraph. Westminster, CA: Teacher Created Materials, 1999. Print
Moore, Kathleen Muller, and Susie Lan Cassel. Techniques for College Writing: Techniques for College Writing: The Thesis Statement and beyond. Boston, MA: Cengage Learning, 2011. Print
Wyldeck, Kathi. How to Write an Essay. Morrisville, NC: Lulu.com, 2008. Print