English Coursework

Student’s nameInstructorCourseDate
Revision on the first day of sixth grade.
The essay on the first day of sixth grade corresponds well with the topic chosen. The writer explains how her day was; from the preparations until how the day ends. The writer tells that the first day was boring since she had to repeat her name over and over.
Ella focuses more on the experience she felt before reaching the school. What she saw on her way to school and the new friends she made in school. Her primary focus is where she has to introduce herself every time a new lesson begins.
I would like to know more on her experiences on the first day, how the lessons were and the challenges she faced on that day.
The most important part of the narrative is where the writer gains back her self-confidence on the first day of the sixth grade. The writer focuses well on the experiences she had on the first day, but she should expand more on the learning challenges she faced and how the teachers were on that day.
The introduction of the topic shows what the essay is all about. If the writer had begun with how her night was, could be better or how she prepared herself before the day.
The writer in her essay wants the audience to know how her day was, the annoying part of her day and the achievements she had on that day. The readers can learn to be themselves from this essay. when a person believes in herself, self-confidence will be restored.
The greatest strength of the writer is when she decides to be herself and face her fears.

she makes friends on the first day and wishes to be back the next day. Her weakness is where she does not talk about the experiences she had with the teachers. She focuses more on her classmates and speaks less about how her subjects were. The conclusion of the essay should be improved, and the writer should state whether the day was good or bad.
The writer does not use any format in her essay. the grammar is fair, but improvement should be made in punctuation and sentence structure.

The First Day of Sixth Grade
“Hello class, this is your new student Ella Russell” My first teacher of the day Mrs. Heck, said with extreme enthusiasm. It was my first day in school at a new school district mile away from the place I knew as my home. My heart was pulsating like a bass drum as I waited for a response from my peers to the incredibly awkward introduction. A few “hey” or “hellos” were heard from the classroom. The air was filled with the odor of sweaty prepubescent sixth graders, and expo dry erase markers as I shakily walked to my seat at the back of the classroom. I was the only extreme awkward new student that had just moved to wonderful Springboro, Ohio.
That day began with my anxious mom taking tons of pictures of me on the first day. I had been anxious about this day since the time I moved from the Cleveland area. I had no friends, and therefore I had spent the entire summer either packing or unpacking the boxes in my house.
Hearing the squeaky brakes of the school bus from down the street meant it was time. I anxiously walked to the bus stop and waited for the bus to arrive at the spot I was standing. The bus came to a halt in front of me, and the squeaky doors opened. I slowly entered the bus.
When I reached the top of the bus stairs, all I saw were the wide eyes of my peers as though they had never seen a new person in their lives. I felt my heartbeat increase as if it was going to burst any second as I quickly strained to find the nearest open seat. After what felt like hours upon hours of searching, a small blonde girl in the front seat of the bus said, “Hey you can sit with me if you want.” I was so excited, and I thought to myself, “Could this be my first friend?”, “How should I present myself to her?” The bus ride felt like an eternity as I was trying to calm my anxiety and figure out how I wanted to be viewed this school year. The nauseating smell of gasoline and rubber the bus was emitting and also the fear I felt made me sick.
Once I got off the bus, I looked up and saw a boring brown brick building sitting before me. My nerves instantly spiked again. The other kids hastily brushed past me running towards their friends who they had not seen throughout the summer. I had nobody. I trudged towards the doors of the building and was instantly hit with the smell of fresh school supplies and a feeling of slight excitement within me.
Entering every new period was the same routine over and over again. “Hi class this is Ella Russell she is new to the district” or “Hello everyone, this is Ella make her feel welcomed.” I wanted the day to end as soon as it started. I found myself repeating my story over and over again, adding new details every new time I said it. “Hi, I am Ella, I just moved from the Cleveland area,” eventually developed into “Hi, I am Ella, I moved from the Cleveland area, I love playing soccer and running.” I was gaining confidence every time I talked to someone new.
Then lunch came, and the thought of a meal was nagging in me like a fly all day. I thought to myself who was going to sit with me. I strolled into the lunch room looking for any familiar faces. Luckily, earlier that day, in science class, I was partnered in a group of three to do a project. I instantly recognized two of the group members and smiled. One of them said, “Ella, come and sit with us!” I sighed with relief, so gracious that I was not going to have to repeat my story.
I realized, during lunch, that I was not dreading going to the next class once the bell would ring. My self-confidence was growing inside me like a flower. I decided that I was not going to be the awkward new girl that I had made myself to be. I did not care what people imagined of me anymore; I just wanted to be able to talk to new people and make friends.
The rest of that day went on like lightning. Introducing myself was not as nerve racking anymore. I was beginning to make tons of friends and enjoying the thought of coming back the next day. My self-confidence grew insanely that day. I had met two of my best friends that day by putting myself out there and not being afraid of expressing myself.
Work cited
Document 8 essay, “Personal story”