metacognition questions(see the instructions and attachment)

Teacher’s Name
Students Name
Class
Date
Unedited
A few day after that I started to look at everything differently, I had to work hard all the time to improve as much as I can so when the time comes it all pays off and I can put a smile on our fans’ faces. After preparing for 276 days, the day had come. I had everything I needed in my bags and off I went to the airport. When we reached at the hotel, luckily, one of the players was Swedish so was able to communicate with people there. In the blink of an eye everything was over and we were in the airport on our way back to Dubai. That trip had changed my life. Meeting new people from different parts of the world and making new friends that only share one common interest, passion for soccer. I had learned a lot through this trip and my thinking towards everything had changed since then. I became more mature and focused on my goals, while at the same time not was my time with short term leisure but rather spend it on doing things that will shape my future.
Edited
A few days after that I started to look at everything differently. I had to work hard all the time to improve as much as I could so that when the time came, it would all pay off. I wanted to put a smile on our fans’ faces. After preparing for 276 days, the day came. With everything I needed in my bags, off I went to the airport. ^ Luckily, there was a Swedish player at the hotel who helped me to communicate with the other people. However, in the blink of an eye, everything was over, and we were at the airport on our way back to Dubai. That trip had changed my life. I met new people from different parts of the world and made new friends with whom we only shared one common interest; passion for soccer. I learned a lot from this trip, and my thoughts towards everything have changed since then. I have become more mature and focused on my goals, while at the same time not wasting it with short-term leisure.
Question one.
One of the significant revisions I did was the re-writing of sentences to increase coherence. The statement had many redundant parts that made it difficult to comprehend. These sentences were broken into two and re-written for coherence. The revised version was better than the orignial idea because it has greater natural flow. This makes it easier to read and understand. The sentences below demostrate the reconstruction of sentence structure;
Original Sentence: I had everything I needed in my bags and off I went to the airport. When we reached at the hotel, luckily, one of the players was Swedish so was able to communicate with people there.
Revised sentence: With everything I needed in my bags, off I went to the airport. ^ Luckily, there was a Swedish player at the hotel who helped me to communicate with the other people
Question two
The characters in red show the corrections that were made.
Before Correction: A few days after that I started to look at everything differently.(deleted comma) I had to work hard all the time to improve as much as I can(could-change tense to past tense) so that when the time comes ( Came (tense agreement)), it would all pays off. I wanted to put a smile on our fans’ faces.
Mistakes:Number agreement: A few day
Sentence cut after the world differently
Changed tenses to past tense, i.e Can-could, comes-came
Correction: A few days after that I started to look at everything differently. I had to work hard all the time to improve as much as I could so that when the time came, it would all pay off. I wanted to put a smile on our fans’ faces.
Due to the inherent knowledge of grammar, I can automatically recognize a statement that is grammatically incorrect while reading a passage. The first mistake in the sentence above is number disagreement. ‘A few’ already insinuates plural and therefore the use of singular ‘day’ is wrong. Although the sentence terminates after the word ‘differently,’ the writer uses a comma rather than a full stop. The result of the punctuation error is an exceedingly long sentence that does not make much sense.